What is 6am good for?

It’s six in the morning. What should you be doing? Sleeping is the only answer I can come up with. But not me, oh no. I was up at 6 am jogging today. Why would one do that to themselves? I have no answer for that. I’m a sick, sick person I guess. But, at least I got in a little exercise. My goal was to run a 1/2 marathon in Novemeber and I have done nothing to reach that goal. I think I’ll just shoot for a 5K, LOL.

Also, it’s 99 here today so if I don’t run 1st thing in the morning it won’t happen. Me running in 99 degree heat = a massive heart attack. Hmmm, if I have a heart attack and end up in the hospital for a week or so I would really get to catch up on my sleep and watch TV all day. I may have to re-think this.

They really have thought of everything

Like Bacon flavored dental floss. Yummm… bacon

Not your thing? How about a planetarium in your bath!

I know what I want for Christmas! A snow globe depicting a murder!

Looking to spice up your love life? how about some elderly porn!

Marriage is freakin’ hard

They should really tell you that before you do it. Really.

The hubby and I are at each others throats most days it seems. There is so much tension in the house all it takes is one word to start the fire. And then it’s game on. I’m not sure what the problem is but I’m really tired of it. I think lack of sleep and sex are to blame for some of it. I just have no libido and it’s worse after popping out Thing 2. I’ve thought about an anti-depressant, but to be honest with you I don’t feel depressed. I’m very happy with where my life is right now. I just don’t have the need for sex I used to after 8 yrs of marriage.

I really need to get off my ass and start exercising again. I’m at a great weight, but I need some toning. Maybe I can get down to a size 2 pants! I would frame those fuckers. And wear them all day, every day.

Grocery shopping

We all know not to go grocery shopping when we are starving, right? If you do you end up looking like a pothead with the munchies. Cart full of Little Debbie snack cakes and ice cream. Well I found a better way to shop. Go shopping when you’re full and exhausted! Not only do you not pick up crap because you’re not hungry but you just want to get out of there ASAP so you rush through! I managed to make it without any junk food. That’s amazing for me.

Also, here is an ass kicking Sausage and Peppers recipe:

Ingredients:

* 2 lbs. sweet or hot Italian sausages
* 2 onions, chopped
* 2 green peppers, cut into 2″ pieces
* 1 red bell pepper, cut into 2″ pieces
* 2 cloves garlic, minced
* 14 oz. can diced tomatoes, undrained
* 6 oz. can low sodium tomato paste
* 1/2 cup dry red wine or beef broth
* 1 Tbsp. dried Italian seasoning
* 1/4 tsp. pepper

Preparation:
Cook sausage in heavy skillet over medium heat until browned, turning occasionally. Layer half of the onions on bottom of 3-4 quart crockpot, then add half of the peppers. Add all of the browned sausage, then the rest of the onions and peppers.

Add diced undrained tomatoes, tomato paste, garlic, and red wine to skillet and and cook over medium heat for 2-3 minutes, stirring to loosen brown bits on bottom. Pour over mixture in crockpot. Cover slow cooker and cook on low for 6 hours. One hour before mixture is done, add Italian seasoning and pepper to crockpot and stir well. Cover and cook one more hour until sausage is thoroughly cooked and vegetables are tender. Serves 8

What a day!

Before I start this I’ll have to introduce 2 new characters. They are Princess and Münchhausen.  Princess is my 4 yr old niece and Münchhausen is my 7 yr old Nephew.

So we all pack up and go to Six Flags; me, my mom, Thing 1 and 2, Princess, and Münchhausen. 1st thing they want to do is go one the Merry Go Round. So I get in line with the 3 kids and my mom stays with Thing 2. Well, little did we know that the Six Flags Gestapo was running the ride that day. He tells me since Thing 1 and Princess are under 42 inches they need a parent. One parent for each kid. So I tell Thing 1 to go with my mom and I’ll take him on next. He breaks down crying. So I tell Princess to get off, she just stares at me and ignores me. Some random lady says she’ll go on with me to help. Fine. All is well… not! He makes Thing 1 move to an interior horse. Ok. Then he makes me move because I have to stand to the left of the horse!!! Are you fucking kidding me? I’m not allowed to stand on the right?? He goes around to each person and makes them all move to the left of the horse! He really earns that minimum wage!!

Now it’s time for a a potty break. The boys go to the mens room (my moms stands outside to monitor them) and I take Princess inside. I tell her to go potty. She stares me down and ignores me. I tell her to go potty again. She says “no, I don’t have to”. I repeat “GO POTTY OR AT LEAST TRY TO” and at this point I actually growl at her. She still won’t go. Now, why force her you ask. Because she waits till the last minute to go and ends up screaming and peeing herself. So whatever, I give up.

We take Münchhausen to the roller coaster he wanted to go on. He chickens out and won’t go on it. I try to get him to go on another smaller roller coaster. He gets up to the platform and chickens out again. I tell him he’s a baby (I know, I’m an evil bitch) and go on it by myself. Well the damn thing almost decapitated me! We went around a turn and for some reason I lose all muscle control in my head at that moment. My head flung back and for like 4 second I couldn’t straighten it back, LMAO! I looked so stupid! later, when telling the story to the hubby, I realized I looked like the cartoon from the old Reach Toothbrush commercials with a flip top head!

By the afternoon I’m getting a headache. Münchhausen and Thing 1 go one a ride and I’m sitting down with Thing 2 and the Princess. My mom went to go get drinks. I tell Princess to sit down next to me so I can watch her and the boys at the same time. She glares at me and continues to stand. I tell her again to sit down. Again, she glares at me. Now, at this point I’ve had enough of her ass and a voice reminiscent of the Exorcist comes out of my mouth saying “SIT DOWN” and my head spins around. Ok, maybe it didn’t really spin around, but it could have. She finally sits down.

We’re all hot so I take 2 of the kids on the water rapids ride. Somehow I manage to get soaking wet yet everyone else has a little drop of water on them. I’m not kidding when I sat I think I could stand in a shower and be less wet then I was after that ride. But it was so hot it felt great so I didn’t care. Even the squishing of my shoes doesn’t upset me at this point.

Then it’s time to call it a day. We get in the car and drive home. About 5 minutes into the drive Münchhausen yells “I’m going to throw up”. Flipping great! Now you know how he gets his nickname. And of course it’s 5:00pm and rush hour so traffic sucks. We manage to get home without anyone yaking. But by now my head is throbbing so bad I could just drive of a cliff. We get in the house and Münchhausen lays down to relax. Before I can even grab a Tylenol the stupid dog throws up all over the living room!! Münchhausen goes into the bathroom to pretend he might throw up and the Princess pees on the carpet because she holds it too long!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

Never again! Never!

Dear Madonna… and other thoughts

We all get it. You’re in good shape for being so damn old. But does that mean we really need to see you in a glorified bikini bottom in every video you make. Being fit does not equal looking hot. My proof will be labeled exhibit A:

See! Very fit but not at all attractive. Just like your legs in your new shitastic video. Please, put on some pants. For the children. Won’t somebody please think of the children!

Now, onto my confession. I lurve me some E! tv. really, I’m addicted. My perfect night would be The Soup, followed by The Girls Next Door and Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and topped off with Denise Richards: It’s Complicated.  Whew! I feel better getting that off my chest. It’s like a dirty little secret I’ve kept hidden for so long. I LIKE TRASH TV!!! Hear me world!?

Don’t get me wrong. Sometime E! puts shit on the air. The Daily 10 is a prime example of this. Who decided to give those 3 asshats their own show? If I were in charge, heads would roll for that mistake. And Living Lohan is pretty much the biggest piece of crap since Cop Rock went on the air (anyone remember that? Cool points if you do!). Really, mama Lohan needs to just go away. It’s too late for the older kids, but hopefully the youngest can get away unscathed. I doubt it though.

That’s just how I roll

Yep, Thing 2 has learned to roll over from his back to his belly. He thinks he’s pretty hot shit right about now. It’s really made changing his diaper an enjoyable experience. He’s working on crawling right now. He gets up on all 4’s and jumps forward. And he carpet “swims” on the floor in circles.

Still no teeth. Thing 1 had teeth at 3 months, but none yet for 2. But he is heading down the “I’ll eat anything you give me, all day long” path that Thing 1 paved out. Yesterday at Six Flags he was gnawing on an apple. Well, I guess it would be gumming, not gnawing.

5 kids, 2 adults, and an amusement park

WTF are we thinking! Tomorrow my mom and I are taking my kids and my sisters kids to Six Flags. I don’t know how this is going to work out, but why not try. Thankfully Thing 2 is not mobile yet. And it’s going to be almost 100 tomorrow. I think I may pre-medicate with Tylenol before I leave the house.

Yesterday was the hubbys birthday. Thing 1 and I decorated the house with streamers and balloons. It was cute. We made him a rice crispy “cake” shaped as a heart. The hubby loves rice crispy treats! I think as much as I love brownies. God do I love brownies. He was happy, especially since I forgot Father’s Day. Yep, WTG me!

I’m sorry, what did you say?

At work 2 nights ago we were sitting around talking about kids. This one chick I figure is a little older then me. Now she looks and sounds like she’d been rode hard and hung up wet. She talked about going to jail earlier in the night. Enough said, right?

Well she busts out with “my grand baby” blah blah blah. Someone says “wait, did you say grand baby?” and she says “yeah”. So the next logical question is of course” How old are you?” to which she replies “35″ with a chuckle. 1st though is she’s making a joke so someone prods on with “and you have grandchild, how old”? 3 years old! Yep! You heard right. She had her daughter at 15 and her daughter had her baby at 17!

Holy shit!!! I’m 30 and have a 5 month old! I could hear the banjos dueling in dthe background.

Thank God my throat is safe! Is yours?

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/70495.php

I may have a pissed off husband, but I’ll have my throat intact! Bwahahah!